Since I was a young girl, I’ve learned to be independent because there’s simply nobody to hold my hand and guide me. I grew up believing that there’s only me who I can depend on in times of trouble. Little did I know that my family silently grieved for each mistake I did and proud if I conquered every trial with flying colors. All those times they had my back but from afar.. Why? Because they wanted me to learn to fly, experience the world and yet keep my feet on the ground. Puzzled? Don’t be. It’s just me talking 🙂 I can’t fully reveal my life, I hope you understand.
When I was in high school, I was both at my best and worst. I tried everything to belong and had a hard time pulling myself out from something that wasn’t the real me. Oh, I’ve explored a lot of things and turned my head when I know it would pin me down into nothingness. Had a few relationships that from the very beginning spelled disaster. But from it all, I rose with head held up high.
There were moments in my young life where I could say that I flourished and bloomed. Those were really not the best memories but I guess a teenager had to go through it at some point. What matters most – the experiences helped me become partly of what I am today.
My life then had rules and regulations that were bent to the extremes.. really.. It’s like ach rules of a bank where one must not break or suffer the consequences. In fact, when I broke a lot of rules, I did suffer but in due time I learned how to turn those pains and sufferings into something positive. If I was not left alone to fly on my own, I bet, I’d be long gone or lying dead in a ditch somewhere because failure is such a huge disappointment. I came through it all and that’s what’s important.
Summarizing my life, I can say that I’ve been through a hell lot! But things are different now. I still fly on my own from time to time, especially if I have to think and decide on something that only involves ME. Most of the time, I enjoy the ride with my family and extended ones.
When I had my own family, I came to realize that I wasn’t alone throughout my childhood and adulthood. My dad and my sisters were always there looking after me to the best they can. Loving me with all their hearts. I was just so blinded by all the failures, hate and sorrow that I didn’t see what’s in front of me and all around me. I was surrounded by the people who deeply cherish me and only want what’s best for me. Now I know, in fact, I’ve known for many years now. I just hope that I can give back all the love during my lifetime.
Lastly, I still believe in ME. It may sound like I’m bragging but I know myself and what I’m capable of. What would happen if each and every one of us doesn’t believe in themselves? The world will be full of useless people and all will start crumbling down. So give it your best shot, believe in yourself. 🙂