I’m at a loss right now.. first time parent of a teenager.. or something like that.. I know that this too shall pass but how long I can handle the stress and heartaches.. I don’t really know..
For those of you who are parents of teenagers, you know the feeling and you know that it’s not easy to raise them more so if they have behavioural problems.
I was once in that stage and since my son reached that age, I have been constantly reminiscing my teenage years like was I like this or that? It’s not comparing me and him at all, but I looked back to see if I gave my parents terrible headaches and yes, heartaches and if this is what others say – “it’s in the genes”……..
Some of my friends who also have children “coming to age’ sometimes joke around that they are preparing themselves so that when the time comes, they’ll be ready. But, the question is, can someone be really ready when they reach that point?
For some, this rebellious stage is a normal daily happening and it’s affecting the family dynamic tremendously. It all start with insubordination, constant acting out and sadly, foul or bad mouthing. Initially, it’s just minor squabbles about some things but eventually it will escalate to more serious problems. All members of the family will be affected and as disheartening as it may be, will cause even the break up of parents.
I’ve also started reading up articles in the internet, somehow appeasing myself that there are solutions out there. I’ve read countless and realized that I am not alone, that there are also some parents who are experiencing this at the same time and groups were created so that those who have surpassed the trials successfully can help us who are in dire need of answers.
Today, I am deeply saddened of what transpired yesterday. I never thought it could happen or that he can think of such things. My heart is heavy and so is my mind and soul for I vowed to raise my kids the best way I can. I cannot falter because my kids need me and my husband needs a wife for he can’t go through this alone.
As my grandpa said to me while smoking his hand rolled cigars when I was in my teens, “you were born to be stronger than you can imagine, therefore, don’t let people and situations put you down. Let the memories of your past mistakes be your guide, so that you may see the the truth and the answers behind it all”.
Do you have a teenager? How do you handle them?
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I don’t have a teenager…but I was a TERRIBLE one. It’s all about space, respect, and the way you talk to them. I put my Mom through hell, but she didn’t handle it correctly, so it continued for a long time.
Well, I lived through 2 teenagers and am now living with and loving my third. It’s a rollercoaster ride, bumpy, exciting, and scary. But when the ride is over, you will smile and laugh about who they have become. Remember, it’s hard on them too. Be firm, but loving, set boundaries, but make sure they know you will always give them unconditional love.
Those are great advice Lisa! Much thanks!
I do not have a teenager, but I have handled a lot of them because I have nannyd for families that had teenagers and young kids and was always asked to keep an eye on them. Realize that they are just another version of the back talking, tantrum throwing four year old, and try to remember what you went through at their age. It is not going to be easy, just like when you had the 4 year old, but showing an understanding ear/shoulder, and doing what you can to work with them will cause less stress for you both in the long run. Good luck hun!
I dont have a teenager, but I can certainly remember being one. Some people can learn things from being told, some people need to learn things the hard way, on their own. All you can really do as a parent is teach your children right from wrong, and hope that when they go off on their own into the world that your words of wisdom stick, much as they did with your grandpa’s. When I was off doing stuff I now know as an adult, I shouldn’t have been doing, I eventually came to realize that my mom had been right when she told me the things that she told me and I did wind up growing up to realize my mistakes and have since apologized for my actions. But like all experiences in life I certainly learned from my mistakes, as well as my triumphs and I honestly believe that is a natural part of being a teenager. That being said, it’s different for everyone, and I hope things get easier for you as they go along. Always just do what you think is best, after all, thats all you really can do sometimes 🙂
in my house we talk it all out, we try not to get upset and just talk alot, my daughter is 15 and wow, there is some drama, but when she gets upset and starts screaming her issues we just calmly talk it out
What a great way to look at things (the way your Grandpa did). I had a difficult teen son also, except I was a single parent going thru it alone. Most if not all will grow out of this stage, it’s a matter of living thru it and staying sane that’s hard. I am so happy that we came out on the other side and now have back our loving relationship again s only a Mother and Son can. 🙂
Ah the teenage years – I was talking to my cousin a few weeks ago (boy was she trouble! drugs, pregnancy, sassing…) and she was compalining at how difficult her teenage kids were…ha1 ha! Anyway, she said that she just remembers what it was like, and now appreicates the crap she put her mother through – and she calls her mother for advice. And obviously her mother has good advice because my cousin turned out A-OK!
I’ve raised 3 kids through their teens and it is very trying! Keep the lines of communication open! They may not want to talk much, but let them know you’re always there to listen and choose your words wisely! I found that by not being so quick to judge, and not lashing out, they felt much more willing to talk. I also joined a group for parents of teens, it helped a lot.
I’m trying very hard Nena. Thanks for the tips 🙂
I found the best way to deal with my teen daughter was just to be very matter-of-fact. I didn’t try to argue, or over-explain – I just said what had to be said and went on to the next thing. But, most importantly, let them know you are there for them NO MATTER WHAT, and not be judgemental! (which is good advice for anyone you love).
My kids are grown now but when they were teenagers I made it understood that we had to respect each other at all times or all privileges would be taken away. On only one ocassion I had to ground my oldest for two days due to slamming his bedroom door and yelling. I guess I was lucky.
I do not have a teenager yet…I have a few years down the road, but I don’t know if I will ever be prepared! I just think about how I was as a teenager and it scares me! …I love the picture caption. It’s perfect and so true!